Monica Lewinsky is back! I would be a liar if I didn’t say I enjoyed the drama of the 90s (President Clinton knows how to address the nation, huh?). However, being a classy man, I’m not going to use her as a punchline. Her treatment was unfair and disgusting and I’m not going to jump in the crowded clown car. However, despite the feelings I have or don’t have for Monica, she brings up a great cause, bullying. However, her movement suggest helping victims to survive bullying. That’s cool, but I disagree with her focus. Before I set the internet on fire, let me clarify my position.
Bullying is an offshoot of animalistic instincts. From a predatory standpoint, the weak are the ones that get eaten. A bully is a predator. The anti-bullying movement suggestrewiring the predator. That concept leaves me scratching my head. Is this the most effective way to deal with this issue? The solution is taking the prey off the menu, effectively starving the predator.
It may sound odd, but bullying actually serves a critical, but overlooked, role in our development. Being bullied is often our first taste of real world adversity and thus, our first opportunity to express agency. We get to see that we have options and the actions we take matter. How else can we learn to deal with people that don’t like us? How else do we learn how to deal with rejection if we are never rejected?
Struggle builds character. It is necessary for our children to struggle in order to become the best versions of themselves. On the other side of tragedy, a child can become stronger and freer than ever before. We mustn’t make life too easy for our kids. Let them, from time to time, fail so they can learn to pick themselves up.
What scares me is a generation of people who didn’t have to deal with any kind of conflict. This is a blueprint for creating a host of people who handle rejection in extreme ways. Bullying is not the disease, it’s a symptom. The cure is prepared children. Our children need to learn how to deal with this problem, they need to feel and be empowered.
Telling someone not to bully is in the same vein as telling people not to be racist, sexist, gay haters, and/or join ISIS. No longer can we hide behind lofty ideas as if they are true. For example, some people suck. It’s more effective to be able to deal with those terrible people than to try and prevent terrible people from existing. I’m more pro-confidence and pro-agency than I am anti-bullying (but I’m anti-bullying as well).
Yes, bullying is wrong. But isn’t it more effective to teach a kid how to play the cards in their hand rather than to pretend that they won’t be in the game?